Slow Down, Pressure Is Off! Be More Like Your Husband
Have you ever been in a place where you are always in a rush to get things done, or to be on time somewhere? Have you been so rushed that it has changed your whole attitude towards not only the people around you but also towards yourself and your outlook on how the day is going?
As a stay-at-home Mama, this rushed lifestyle was the norm for me, as I tried to feel in control and successful in every way, crossing tasks off my list and having everything, as I had imagined from the beginning of my day, in its rightful place and completed. Not even so much at the beginning of my day, but an Idea and image that I had envisioned the night before when trying to prepare what the next days were going to look like and how I was going to “make it easy” on myself if I just changed my schedule a little bit. Or if I incorporate the kids to do xyz to help me get my goals done, but that in the end was not fully satisfying because there would always be something that I needed to add on the to do list and to be honest, things never went as planned with the kids in the first place so again, Mama had to do everything and my attitude started to shift along with my heart posture. I went from pouring my love into everything I did to my life feeling like a duty, leaving me in survival, fight-or-flight mode.
After hearing myself rush my children, who are toddlers, to do their chores and witness their attitudes change from loving to help me around the house to a somewhat burdensome obligation they no longer wanted to participate in. I then told myself,
“Lord, I am a stay-at-home parent. I control the schedule, and I need to chill. I don’t want the boys to be conformed to the world, where everything is always on the go and in a hurry, to the point where they don’t even have patience.
(LONG BREATH, HUH)
Girl, CHILL!”
And yes, I would have those moments of talking to God and myself to clarify the truth and vent if I needed to, but I spoke those same words throughout the day to remind myself to slow down, until I eventually did. But then there was more that I didn’t know I had in me until now. I recently realized that, even in my “slow down” phase of life, I still had a heavy load of pressure that weighed me down for some time. The pressure I placed on myself originally stemmed from the basic standards I set for myself as a wife and mother. Standards that came easily to me for some time, until those standards were met by comparison through Pinterest and social media images that quote my mistakes and tell me what I am doing wrong or not doing at all, and that pressure alone from society weighed in. The same society that places HIGH standards on mothers and wives that seem unmanageable to obtain in the perfect way that is expected of you as a woman. A woman, mother, and wife who is not supposed to have bad days, troubled thoughts, or emotions that are outside of good. A woman who has always had to be everything for everyone else and hopes that there is a pinch of anything left for her at the end of the day, where she is already overstimulated and burnt out to the point that she chooses rest because she is too exhausted to take care of the basic needs for herself. A mother who is accountable for anything and everything, no matter what (even if she micromanaged every detail of her child’s well-being and was a helicopter mother). One mistake defined you and discredited every good thing you have done for your child out of love. And sadly, a lot of the judgment comes not just from men but from women. And so, yes, the pressure became immeasurable. Still, it was not until I witnessed my husband take over my duties at home during my postpartum recovery that I realized that I do way too much in my everyday life that is unnecessary, and that I could take off the pressure by being just like him. Simple and relaxed, with joy and peace being his benefits.
What I learned from my husband:
- Things will get done no matter what.
- There is no need to rush.
- PRAY
- Even if you’re praying while parenting or maintaining a house chore.
- Everyone vibes with you.
- If you’re stressed, the kids will pick up on it and will be stressed. (Relax and they will relax!)
- You can enjoy cooking and baking without the stress of having to clean every detail of the kitchen along the way. (FOCUS on ONE thing at a time!)
- RELAX & take care of yourself.
- Children need to see that it is normal and acceptable to take care of themselves and relax.
- You can’t control everything; chill!
- Life is going to happen no matter how “prepared” you are.
- Learn to pivot.
- This is my home; I allow what happens and when. Not outsiders.
- You don’t need to be a part of everything and do everything.
- Extra-curricular activities. That’s new compared to older generations. Children don’t need to be in everything. Keep it simple for them. It is more beneficial when they don’t feel stressed with so much on their schedule.
- Live life with your loved ones
- These are not just their memories, but your memories being made. Make it count!
In the end, I know that as a mother and wife, it can be easier said than done to simplify your home needs and learn how to slow down, let alone take any pressure off, which is unimaginable to you right in this moment, but I want you to know that it is possible. You can obtain it by learning to declutter your mind of false advertising and societal “norms,” which allows God to set the tone in your home, flowing with Him. This season is the season to slow down, take the pressure off, and learn to be like your husband and chill!
