The Sacrifice A Husband Makes Allowing You To Be A Stay-At-Home Mother
The sacrifices a wife makes to raise her children while her husband works are a bittersweet experience. It’s not just about everything that the majority of women give up being a SAHM, but it’s missing the person who allows you to be so blessed to become a SAHM, because he has to be the one to leave the home to make it happen.
It is easy for me to list the common sacrifices that every mother makes in the process of becoming a stay-at-home mother, such as careers, hobbies, friendships, family (if you have to travel with your husband for work), education, and opportunities, among others. That is the main thing that we Mamas share; yet, in our sacrifices, we often overlook the sacrifices that our husbands make along the way, so that we Mamas have the opportunity to stay home and raise our children.
Sacrifices that may look like:
1.Leaving The Home To Work
Although we live in a time where remote jobs are available, not every person has the opportunity or may not want to work from home, so they leave their homes for over 12 hours or more to take on tasks that are part of their job description, aiming to better the community in some way. While they are away working under other men or women, they must maintain self-control despite disturbances from others and trust God that their family is okay while they are away. There could also be moments when he misses his family, wonders what he is missing out on, or reminisces about childhood dreams that he never pursued because life just happened and continued to unfold. All to say, while we Mama’s get to lie in bed while our husbands are getting ready to leave the house for work, there are so many things happening around him and to him while he is away from his family. Although some men love what they do, it can still be difficult for them to leave behind their family. Plus, sometimes they just want to be home like a child wanting a day off from school, but can’t because of the responsibility they have as the primary provider!
2. Time With His Family
Because your husband works, he misses out on family time. There might be family dinners that he misses out on, holidays, birthday parties, and more. This leads to the next sacrifice.
3. Missing Out On New Memories & Milestones
While he misses out on family time, he also misses out on memories and milestones that happen along the way. He misses the first words spoken or steps of his children. He misses out on part of a relationship where he comforts his children when they cry out for him while he is at work. This does not include the birth of his children (depending on his job), and the memories that you, Mama, and the children reminisce about along the way, which leave him only to think about how he missed out on another thing.
4. Lack of Self-care
Lack of self-care is just as easy for husbands to neglect as it is for us, Mama’s. This could look like your husband skipping out on the doctor’s annual check-ups, especially simple exercises to maintain good health. Alone time for himself and with God, which I know that he can do on the commute to work, but we ladies know that it’s not the same thing as intentionally planned out time. (Let me add that the time your husband does have off is already dedicated to the family, of whatever energy is left from a work-loaded week.) Then there is the pressure of being the head of the household and the primary or only financial provider, while also attending to every need of the people who live there. These are just a few examples that tie into what he may lack in terms of taking care of, which is mental health. It’s A LOT!
5. His Desire for Spiritual Leadership
Suppose you had a husband who was on fire for God when you met him, to the point where he would volunteer to be a mentor over bible studies, camp counselors, or any form of leadership to spread God’s Word. Have you ever noticed the dwindling fire that came to a cease when he became a husband and father?
With a husband’s responsibility to his home, a new ministry for him would be to minister to the ones that he is raising in the home. Let me add that he should also be a source of support to his wife. But what happens when work takes precedence over the ministry? What happens when you see your husband winning in all the areas that the world would call achievements, yet loses himself in the process to obtain the “needs” of the family? Where he becomes prideful, believing that everything insight was from his efforts alone, and not God’s providence.
Sadly, this is what happens to a lot of husbands who work to provide an “American dream” life for their family, or even for themselves as a success. And you as a wife and Mama can not keep up with the changes of your husband from his Spiritual life to a man of the world because you are trying to be the wife and Mama holding it altogether in the home for everyone, making sure that your prayer alone is enough to get everyone saved and known by God when that judgment day comes. This is a sacrifice that was not necessarily pushed to the side so quickly, but one that slowly became a reality that was rescheduled and put on the back burner day after day, Sunday after Sunday, until the lifestyle stuck. This was a sacrifice that altered the dynamics of relationships within the home.
I speak on what I can on behalf of husbands who allow their wives to stay at home because, as wives, we have so much to complain about that can seem valid through an emotional lens. Still, we disregard our husbands’ efforts and sacrifices along the way that they make to please us, wives, and our family. It is said, “ You can tell a lot about a man by his home.” A man’s home is a reflection of him. This includes the atmosphere in the home, as well as the wife and children who reside there. It is also true that Men can be prideful too of what they have. A home, a family. Although our husbands may sometimes seem introverted towards us as wives, we must remember not to take things personally, because they are also going through just as much as we, as mothers, do when we are alone. They may be out amongst other people, and we may rely on our husbands to fill our cup and be our best friend every day, like the beginning stage where there were more conversations and excitement towards one another sharing each other’s company, but don’t be fooled by where you are currently. Don’t be fooled by the nice things that you see all around you without thinking about the sacrifices/ energy your husband had to make to be where you are now. Be mindful of his health, his healing, his wants, his efforts, and his thoughtfulness that have been expressed when they could be expressed. Instead of running to your husband to fill that void of loneliness from just being consumed in your house with your children, run to your Heavenly Father, who can actually overflow your cup, and who can be present in every situation you are in and help guide you through it all.
I share this message to make you aware of that very same feeling you experience when you’re at home, having to rely on your husband, or feeling like the lifestyle you both dreamed of has become a burden, (though you are not a burden), even having to see and hear the thoughts and emotions that your husband expresses to you about his efforts and sacrifices that he has made that we as wives may not fully see. I share this because I am a mother of three toddler boys who will one day be men, raising their own families and taking on the same roles as our husbands for the sake of our family. With that in mind, knowing that the babies I see before me may bear sacrifices that they will take up in their own relationship with God on their journey, allowed me to see my husband as a child of God who is doing the best he can for his family in a harsh world. It allowed me to see my husband not as a superhero (like how his children see him), but as a faithful man of God who abides by his word and continues to be the man God called him to be for our family, drawing strength from God every day.
So Mama’s, I get it. I really do get and understand the sacrifices that we take on the day we give birth. I never really grasped the scripture, “our bodies are not our own” (paraphrased from 1 Corinthians 6:19-20), more than I do now as a mother and wife. I understand that the relationship with your husband has evolved since you first met. I understand that strain may have played a significant role in your marriage in different ways for both of you, and that you may feel like you’re walking this journey alone. Mama, I get the feeling of losing yourself in the journey and realizing, at a breaking point, that you can’t recognize yourself and don’t know how to even start finding your way back. May not even be finding your way back, but you’re just moving forward. How about feeling like you want to help out in more ways, and just be everything good for everybody to feel accomplished? To feel needed, helpful, and that you helped carry the weight with every effort, just like your husband. Or feeling like you’re living a completely different life than you imagined growing up. Like you didn’t imagine, raising children alone, most of the years, and feeling single and alone because your husband had to leave the home to provide for the family. Either way, Mama, I get it. But I see his side too.
Let this be a message of us wives, us mamas, sticking up for our husbands who go above and beyond. Let us not see the don’ts, but see the do’s that we are low-key spoiled and blessed with. Let us show gratitude every day in every way that we can, and continue to encourage our husbands to persevere. Ladies, we are blessed to be in this position for a reason. We have a chance to stay home and be the prayer warriors that we are called to be over our homes, families, and communities. Let us not take this time at home in vain. Take this time to grow in your relationship with God and deepen your walk with Him. Take this time to be steadfast and pray over your husband and his well-being. To speak life into him and over him, as well as to serve him like Christ served us. Let us truly love our husbands and not take their lives and efforts for granted, because in the end, if we had nothing around us and nothing left, we would know that God is truly all we would need. And from Him, his child that he has blessed to be our helper is all we would want by our side with no cost to it. So let us bear one another and take care of our husbands, who is the father of our children, today, tomorrow, and always!
God bless you and your home. God bless your marriage, your family, and God bless, protect, and be with your husband, always.
I love you,
Shalom
