Substance Abuse: Who & What Do You Run To When Life Gets Hard?
Most people hear substance abuse and may think of the major substances, alcohol, and drugs, and would feel relieved that they do not fall under the category of having a substance abuse issue. Still, they fail to realize that a substance can be that food that led you to become an emotional eater, or that person who led to an ongoing emotional and more likely toxic relationship that you should have let go of. For me, I would never have thought I was a substance abuser until I opened my eyes and heart spiritually and accepted the truth of the matter.
After my daddy passed away, I started drinking wine. At first, it was something that started as a small glass with dark chocolate and a book to read or a TV series, such as “Sex and the City,” that I watched in my college dorm during my senior year, just to pass the time. I was not drunk; I just wanted to relax and enjoy sweets with dry red wine. It does not help that I learned that trait from my mother, who had a glass every night. Her excuse was that she was Italian, so drinking wine is culturally acceptable and innocent. Then, occasionally, my daddy at the time would have a glass a day because authentic red wine was good for his heart, which indeed increased his heart health by 12%. May I also add that he lived 14 years longer than doctors had predicted. So, for me, drinking wine with my meals was simply an excusable part of my healing process. No harm, no foul.
Suddenly, there was one night four months after his passing, when I had a meltdown and drank more than half a glass that my petite body could handle. It wasn’t good. After my hangover, I knew better than to drink that much again, so I allowed myself to drink moderately.
Emotions + Triggers = Wine
I didn’t drink every night, but it was my go-to. Then, after six months of my daddy’s passing, I decided to slow down with drinking because the Holy Spirit was really leading me to return to a church and be devoted to God. When I had slowed down and would try not to drink, I would then find a substitute friend to run to outside of wine, and that was food. Because I ran to food rather than wine, my stomach could not handle the thought of food, nor did I want it, which led to me becoming bulimic, which nearly killed me.
Or how about the years when I relied on running to my best friend, my sister in Christ, and my husband when ANYTHING would happen. For instance, if I argued with my husband, I would run and call my best friend to gossip and slander our husbands, because let’s be real, you can’t say something to your friend who is also married without them comparing your situation with something their spouse has done, vice versa. Or, if I knew anything about anyone, I would immediately want to share the news with my husband, which I later found out is still considered gossip. Or better yet, when both best friend and husband are on my nerves, I would vent to a sister in Christ without revealing too much information and just let out my emotions. All these examples listed are real-life examples that I struggled with for years. I had become a person at some point who would run to my “go to’s” with my issues that turned into a form of gossip, rather than running to my Father in confession.
It’s crazy because one of the best things that I love about my husband is that when I first met him, and would have a moment that troubled my Spirit, he would ask me;
“Did you go to God first before me?”
He was the first person to ever bring to my attention whom I sought in times of trouble. (And yes, I know that my actions still ran to others after some point, but I was reminded of his words before I ran to anyone, and still stubbornly just went about my ways to just be heard by people. It was not until I witnessed friendships and relationship struggles, as well as loss of control with my mouth and self-control, that I realized how damaging my actions from my emotions can be on the people I love, all because I could not keep my life private with my Father and vent to Him.
With that being said, which I know I have mentioned a lot, with perhaps no clear direction on where this is going in your eyes, but if you read closely, did you notice that everything I ran to was everything in this world to avoid my pain, rather than running to God?
It took years to stop making excuses for why I ran to the things I ran to until I could not lie any longer to myself, because in the end, God knew the truth. I realized because I had many substances to try to replace the one that I needed, it had led me down a spiral road exhaustingly running trying not to think, nor feel, to be heard and validated by others who would take my side that led to zero growth, maybe to feel temporary comfort by the wrong things all to lead to sickness In the end, and just to try and keep going, until I could not do it any longer. My body could no longer physically endure it.
I didn’t think I had a huge problem until I went through phases where I wanted to fast. I found myself arranging my fast days on the last day from when I had my favorite treat with wine and counted my days to see how long I could go without, because I was not ready to give up what had formed into addictions. Or when I realized that when an issue would arise, I had to convince myself not to call my friend, and that I could tell God everything, as if He didn’t already witness it all. How about becoming aware of your thought process that leads you to the ongoing substance, and you finally realize, “Wow! I really have an issue. How did I get here to where I am trying to figure out how to do the right thing?”
My daddy used to say,
When you try to do things on your own and live your life doing what you want, then God has a way of bringing you back to Him, and that is usually on your knees. What is His, He will come back for?
When life is difficult, stressful, and seems depressing, who or what do you run to? If it’s anyone but God, then that is your substance. Allow yourself to ponder that one. It is easy to try to point out the obvious flaws of others and judge on which sin is worse, but in the eyes of the Lord, all sins are equal but one. What is on your plate, your sin, the one you run to instead of God, which is now an idol in your life and can cause a strain in your relationship with God? He wants your full, undivided attention. He wants all of you, not parts of you. He wants you to live the life that He called you to live, not the one that is tied up in these chains because you ran to the wrong source. Run to the source of life, who is Jesus! Allow Him to heal you and cleanse you. Allow His presence and His way to be the only way, and let Him fulfill you so that you feel complete. Running to people will not do anything. Running to food, drugs, the gym, and alcohol will not help you. But running to Him will bring an overflow of everything that you need.
“I have the right to do anything,” you say—but not everything is beneficial. “I have the right to do anything”—but I will not be mastered by anything.
1 Corinthians 6:12
Scriptures
Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.
John 14:6
No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.
1 Corinthians 10:13
So if the Son sets you free, you will be free indeed.
John 8:36
Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour.
1 Peter 5:8
And the prayer offered in faith will make the sick person well; the Lord will raise them up. If they have sinned, they will be forgiven. Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous person is powerful and effective.
James 5:15-16
Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
James 4:7
Be Holy
Therefore, with minds that are alert and fully sober, set your hope on the grace to be brought to you when Jesus Christ is revealed at his coming.
1 Peter 1:13
They promise them freedom, while they themselves are slaves of depravity—for “people are slaves to whatever has mastered them.”
2 Peter 2:19
and call on me in the day of trouble;
I will deliver you, and you will honor me.”
Psalm 50:15
Like a city whose walls are broken through
is a person who lacks self-control.
Proverbs 25:28
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