Is It Possible To Be A Good Wife & Good Mother At The Same Time? -

Why is it difficult to be a good mother raising children and a good wife?

A question I never thought I would have to ask.

The hardships I faced as a mother and wife were not part of my everyday imagination when I pretended to be my future life as a child. I never pretended to be upset with my husband and take it out on my children. I never pretended to question my choices and marriage at one point. I only believed from ages four to twelve that I would be the best mother and wife because I would love them so much, and that my love by itself would be enough. It was a good run of high expectations that seemed simple to me at the time, until I realized that my imagination had managed to skip over the parts of real-life situations that occurred along the way.

Have you ever had a day with your husband that was extremely difficult, that when he walked out the door for work, you would then fester on the day or argument that had occurred a time before? You then start to analyze every word said to each other, every gesture made, and finally get upset because only then do you come up with many comebacks that you wish you had been ready for during the argument that just took place. Suppose that is not bad enough, because you are so mentally checked out with your husband replaying every moment. In that case, you are easily bothered, and parenting has become a distraction that can cause you to snap with frustration from annoyance.

Like, how dare my children ask me a question, throw tantrums, act like toddlers, and love on me when I am clearly not mentally there?

Well, Mama, if you have ever been in that place, I have a few advice to help you manage being a good wife and a good mother at the same time. (I want to note that I am no expert nor doctor of any kind, but my advice stems from experience and what the Holy Spirit has been doing in my life that I want to share with you!)

ADVICE TIME!

6 Ways To Become A Good Wife & Good Mother At The Same Time

6 Ways To Be A Better Wife

You Can Pray To God, “Change Him,” BUT You Need To Change Your Heart Posture First Along The Way.
Venting Is Still Gossip That Can Quickly Spread & Damage Relationships.
Create Boundaries.
Prioritize Your Husband.
Alone Time Is Needed.
Learn How To Converse & Listen

1. You Can Pray To God “Change Him,” BUT You Need To Change Your Heart Posture First Along The Way.

I used to cry out to God when I found myself frustrated with my husband. I would say,

“You see God? Don’t you see what I have to put up with? You know the truth. Please change him, Lord. How can I be the best wife if we don’t know how to talk to each other without arguing? Lord, what is going on? Will we last? I don’t know. I didn’t do anything.”

Can you believe that I would, clear as day, tell God that I didn’t do anything to deserve xyz from my husband? In my vulnerability to God, with the same cry out, I would ask God to change His son and make him better whenever I could, but I failed to realize how innocent I thought I was throughout it all. In comparison, I would call myself a saint in my mind, but I was not Jesus at all. I was just a daughter who victimized herself whenever I could. Though some things were clearly justifiable, it was still me making myself a victim with a victim mentality, feeling defenseless. Still, I needed to remember that I don’t fight my battles, my defender does, and He is God.

Have you found yourself in a victim mentality? Have you put all the blame on everyone else and allowed yourself to change along the way into someone you can barely recognize, because all that is reflected now is bitterness, resentment, hate, vengeance, anxiety, with maybe depression? If so, this is the time when I advise you to put down those self-induced sabotaging thoughts and triggers and take responsibility for where you are currently. I did not say that you did not endure some things that were not worth crying out to God, but what I am saying is that you shed your tears, and now it is time for God to work on you.

There are going to be a lot of people around you who will tempt you to act out of character, but it is written,

Yes, my soul, find rest in God; my hope comes from him. Truly he is my rock and my salvation; he is my fortress, I will not be shaken.My salvation and my honor depend on God;
he is my mighty rock, my refuge. Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
Psalm 62:5-8

Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me. Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 3:12-14

Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of people in their deceitful scheming.
Ephesians 4:14

One of the best ways to step out of the element of being a victim and asking God to change everyone else is by asking God to examine your heart, allowing you to be aware of the changes that need to be made within it first, while God is still working on them. You see, you want to change, but this is the time to take the speck out of your own eye and be the change that you wish to see all around you. Now, is there a chance in the beginning for you to be tempted in your home when your spouse still wants to argue, or take his frustration out on you? YES! It is one of the things that I would keep quiet about, and I literally go back and forth with God on how my flesh wants to handle the situation, yet I feel tugged towards what I know He would like me to do. Do I do the right thing every time? Unfortunately, no, but I have gotten so much better and hear God’s voice increasingly any time a situation arises. By the grace of God, I am being transformed more into the image I was created to be, and how God sees me. This transformation can also happen to you!

Continue to choose to hear His voice and His Spirit, which teach, guide, and transform you. I promise, over time, you will feel unmovable and see a difference in your home. *Plus, your children are watching you, so they are witnessing through actions and sincere love that change within you will be good for them to see redemption and God’s work of transformation.

*I do want to be clear with you, there is a difference between victimizing yourself as being the person who is emotionally hurt from an argument or injustice of an action that was outside of your vows, then being a victim in a abusive relationship, which is not under any circumstances appropriate nor healthy, (and I advise you call your local hotline or seek help).

2. Venting Is Still Gossip That Can Quickly Spread & Damage Relationships

Sadly, I was a wife who, at one point in my marriage, grew comfortable with my best friend, who was always going through real hardships in her own marriage, and found myself constantly running to her in times of trouble to vent any problems I had faced with my husband. You see, it started with something significant during my pregnancy/ postpartum period, which became a habitual session in our everyday calls. If she went through something, I felt compelled to compare or vent out my issues with my husband, and we would go back and forth on how bad we each had it.

Honestly, it was HIGHLY unhealthy and toxic. Even if I was doing well with my husband, we found our couple gatherings leading to counseling each other through the Word of God, to something in their marriage being thrown out on the table and emotions stirring up the heat to where we would all leave in extreme emotions that would later turn into arguments, betrayal, resentment, and temporary fall-outs.

During my fallout with my friend, I felt this peace along the way and told my husband that I needed to have a break from her because it occurred to me what my friend and I were doing in our friendship, which was gossiping about our husbands, and led to a conflict in my marriage with him.

Don’t get me wrong, I am responsible for not having self-control and for sharing things with her at the beginning. Although I tried to establish rules on how we should pray and not discuss our husbands, the words were said but never followed through.

I say this to emphasize that venting is unwise for a believer to engage in, especially against her spouse. I learned the hard way that it is an action of disrespect against your sacred bond, your husband’s identity, and God Himself. When you vent to people, especially family and friends, about your husband, what you and your audience see is an image created of your husband that may not accurately portray his actual identity. You may vent something simple to them and think that you needed to get it off your chest so that you can go back and love your husband fully again, forgetting what was said. Still, those who heard your emotional rant will not forget, and now it can create a new strain in your relationships with your husband and the people you vented to, as well as your husband finding a lack of trust in confiding in you.

Fools give full vent to their rage, but the wise bring calm in the end.
Proverbs 29:11

If you take your neighbor to court, do not betray another’s confidence, or the one who hears it may shame you, and the charge against you will stand.
Proverbs 25:9-10

Needless To Say: Run To God, Not People!

3. Create Boundaries

Now, as you have read before, venting about your husband to people can bring havoc on your relationship with him. To help secure your relationship, establish boundaries with people who are outside of your marriage. This includes family, friends, and work.

Your husband should know that, after God, he is your top priority in life. If you have an issue, you go to God. If you feel like you need to talk to someone here just to be heard, then you can start with your husband. Any problem you face should be discussed with him first, rather than with others. Granted, your husband is not your therapist, which is why I suggested going to God first. However, your concerns, joyful moments, and conflicts within the home should be shared with your husband first, not with other people. Build a team fort around your home and ensure that you and your partner are on the same team. Set those boundaries!

A few boundaries my husband and I have:

No phones at the dinner table
His off days are devoted to his family
No gossiping about one another, but speak highly of each other to others (defend what is true)
Respect one another
Open discussion with major decisions of the home, relationship, and family (this includes finances)
No phone calls after 7 pm. (Unless it’s an emergency or it’s a mutual phone call that we are both participating in)
No invites where both spouses cannot go. (bachelorette/bachelor parties, parties. Weddings, traveling, and inappropriate places of any kind)
No personal information shared with anyone outside of our doors (finances, just main information that people advise you not to share in general)
Wifey time is your time, vice versa. NO CHILDREN out of beds after 8 pm. (We made it a priority since day one not to allow our kids out of their beds after 7:30 pm unless they have to potty, and they cannot sleep in our room at all. Now I sometimes wish I had moments like sleeping with my babies. We tried it when we traveled, but it was no use! My husband and I recognize that our time together is precious, and we value it when we have the chance, so we make it a priority to spend time alone during our free hours.

4. Prioritize Your Husband

I understand that when you have children, it is easy for you, Mama, to prioritize your children over your husband in certain things, especially when you are home with them more often while he is away at work. It is also easy to forget that your husband is more than just a parent when he finally gets home. You want to relieve yourself by telling the kids to run to him with all their energy and problems, and it might sound cringy for me to tell you this, but it’s true… your husband is more than a paycheck, a husband, and a parent. He is a person and a child of God, at the end of the day, who needs a break from giving his all to the world to support him behind the doors of your home. Again, I get it! You also want to take a break from all the work you have put into the house and family. Let me tell you that there are simple things that can happen between you and your husband just by conversing with each other. You can start by discussing with your husband how you both need a break from time to time and create a schedule that allows you both to take the breaks you deserve.

For instance, usually my husband gets two days off, so on his first day off, I let him sleep in and go about my morning routine with the kids. After lunch, he would then help me put the kids down for a nap, which, with him, they fall asleep immediately, allowing me to run my errands for three hours, do one of my hobbies, or take a nap. The next day, he would let me sleep in by taking over the morning routine and taking the kids to the park until lunch time, then he would help me disburse meals and put them to sleep so that I can continue having a few more hours of “me time” while he takes the motorcycle out for a leisure ride.

This has really helped us both enjoy our alone time, be good to each other, and come back as a team united in the parenting aspect.

( I want to add that when you discuss your “me-time” moments and schedule your breaks, you have to be open to discussion, and you cannot expect your husband to do something that was your plan because you disagree with his hobbies. This is not to control each other on your alone time, this is to say, “you deserve a break, go do something, have fun, and return to me. I love you.”)

Prioritizing your husband also extends beyond ensuring that he has “me-time” and can pursue his hobbies. Prioritizing him could involve serving him in ways beyond just a meal. Try giving him a foot bath and body rub! It doesn’t have to be sexual if you don’t want it to, but what I love to do is genuinely praise God over every limb on my husband and pray life over every part that I touch on him. You can open the floor to hear him on where he is at mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. You can also ask if you can pray with and for him, as well as ask if you both can have a bible study together.

If you want to make it even better, you can join him or create a moment of doing one of his favorite hobbies with him, and have fun. Showing him that he is more than a paycheck, but a person you fell in love with, adore, and is a priority to you.

5. Alone Time Is Needed

Although we talked about alone time that is scheduled to do what we want to do, like catching up with our friends or partaking in our favorite hobbies, this alone time that I speak of is an alone time that is the highest priority that you need to make to have a relationship with anyone around you. That is your alone time with God. Let me make it clear to you how important this is. Alone time is so important that after Jesus performed signs and miracles, testified about God, and discipled many people on every mission, even Jesus knew that he had to escape many times to be alone with God, because He knew that His resources, strength, peace, and energy came from God.

As a wife and mother, you are anything but alone, especially if you have toddlers! Yet, it’s unbelievable how alone you can feel when you are spiritually burned out. Being drained from giving your all to everyone without having anything pour into you, which then leads to mental overload for one person to bear. When you do not prioritize your relationship with God, every relationship around you will be a target for your frustrations.

For some reason, you’re annoyed with everyone, you become defensive and feel like it’s you against your loved one in the home, you then feel like your own body is out to get you because it’s clearly not the same and everyday surfacing new changes that you physically see and feel that is just added on top of the aggravation that you have. Suddenly because you are defensive and feeling like you’re the only one going through what you are facing, anything your spouse says drives you crazy where you have such an anger and insecurity questioning yourself, and what’s worse is when you have children question your parenting with simple questions, it makes you feel underqualified for not making the meals they wanted or having their favorite clothes washed on time, having to fix an injury because the toys that should have been put away was used by another sibling to hurt each other… It is just a hot mess situation that has unfolded before naptime alone.

Let me share something with you, though. Again, IF JESUS, OUR LORD AND SAVIOR, RETREATED TO GOD, then how do you think that you can go even a day without having intentional alone time with God? It CANNOT work that way. Alone time is beyond that midday bible verse and short prayer of the day. It’s beyond the blessings over each meal and the little thank yous for random things going your way. Alone time is giving God the first and best hours of your day when you wake up. It’s being alone with Him before you start your days with others. How do you expect to thrive with your children on empty? Empty in peace, empty in energy, empty in love, empty in all the best areas of your life, and more. What your children and husband need is what you need from God first. You need the fruits of the Spirit, and when supplied in abundance, they can be given to your loved ones.

If you want your relationships to thrive, you need to prioritize God first above everyone you love, and through that, you can be an example of God’s love as you walk life with your family. You can be a better wife, mother, disciple, and healthy child of God than you were called to be. Every area of your life will fail if He is not put first and in the center of your heart.

But Jesus often withdrew to lonely places and prayed.
Luke 5:16

6. Learn How To Converse & Listen

At one point in my marriage, talking to my husband was a struggle. It was a struggle to the point where we would rather hang out in silence or watch videos rather than risk our peace with a conversation that could lead to an argument.

One thing that helped our relationship when I went through my first postpartum episode was journaling with my husband. You see, we had a journal that we shared, and when one of us felt a certain way towards the other, which was usually me because of triggers, PTSD, unforgiveness, and unhealed wounds. If I needed to vent something, I would write it down and talk to God. Still, if I released the issue and just needed to vent, then I would tear the page out because, at some point in the process of venting, my real problem, whatever it was at the time, would be revealed. Then I could pray and let it go, but if it were something that I couldn’t let go of and needed my husband to understand where I was coming from, I would write it down, close the journal, and leave it on the bed for him to read.

Our goal was to be on the same page about where we stood in our relationship, so that we wouldn’t create resentment. It was a safe place where I could think about what I was writing and express everything I needed to say without being interrupted by emotional responses that would prevent me from finishing my thought and creating new issues. So, with that, my husband would read the journal and have a chance to receive it in whatever way he received it and react alone, and then write a response back.

This method was used for a year in our marriage because we didn’t know how to communicate effectively with each other. Since we were accustomed to writing letters in our early stages about the beautiful things, journaling was the only way we could cope with the complex and ugly things.

Eventually, through our journaling, we learned enough about each other to discuss our problems with complete honesty, without any walkouts, and could experience a full recovery by making amends immediately. I guess this worked for us because holding a grudge or trying to was just something our bodies couldn’t handle.. He would look at me, and I would look back at him, and we would just burst out laughing and begin to be affectionate with each other.

If you think this could help, then try it! If not, then it’s time to pray for patience and ask God to mediate every conversation in your home. Remember, your husband is a child of God, too. Be kind and mindful in every word that you say because your words will be accounted for one day. Be slow to speak, slow to anger, slow to defensiveness, and quick to listen.

But I tell you that everyone will have to give account on the day of judgment for every empty word they have spoken.
Matthew12:36

Listening and Doing
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry
James 1:19

7. Remember You & Your Husband Are A Team

Your children see and hear everything! How you and your husband treat each other is what your children learn about how they should treat others. They learn so much from both of you. When raising your children, even through the hardships of marriage, your primary goal is to remain a good example for them.

If your children see both parents divided, then it is easy for them to pick a parent that would work out in their favor and use that parent to get what they want no matter what because the parent of choice feels validated, heard, seen, and enjoyed by the child, that sometimes their judgment on any request from the child could be altered to please the child which then could create a issue later on with the parent who would disapprove your choice, but also create frustration between both spouse and child.

It’s sad to say, but I have seen this occur more often in relationships than I would like to have seen, but it’s a real issue.

Both spouses need to learn that, before children came into the picture, they were a team, and although they now have children, the team should only grow stronger, not crumble. The kids need to know that there is a united front between both parents and that there is high respect for each other, which is something that will be required regardless of which parent is present or not.

If issues are arising in your parenting, make time to schedule a meeting with your husband to discuss the relevant concerns and how you will handle the situation. (I want to note that it is always a different setting in the home when my husband is here, so he doesn’t see the fullness of what I handle daily, and his approach is naturally different because of just his presence alone, but no matter what you both agree to on handling things, my husband would always tell me, “yeah I can help, but you have to figure out what works for you on gaining authority in the house.” I also want to note that it may not be the same for all of your children, as they are all different in some way. Your approach may be different, nonetheless. If you both work as a team in parenting by helping each other parent, with chores, hygienic routines, and simple respect, then that WILL BE A GAME CHANGER! Appreciate any help you receive along the way and always show gratitude as much as possible. This can make both parents appear as the best spouses towards each other throughout the day, making the day a positive and functioning one.

Listen, I know that balancing marriage and parenting can seem challenging. I mean, you have two different people from possibly different worlds coming together to live life. Then on top of that, you have children whom you both raise together, with various views and opinions on how to handle situations when guiding them down the path to a desired destination.

It isn’t easy!

We thought it would be easy at the beginning, but we didn’t expect parenting itself to be so challenging. Then, you add on adulting, as well as a spouse who is growing up and changing along the journey with you. You and your husband have changed; things have occurred along the way, and now you are in the middle of a mental tug-of-war with the truth (the Word of God) and your flesh that wants just to be happy 24/7. Marriage can be challenging, but we must remember the beauty that it brings. Like how Jesus, our Groom, is coming back for us, His bride! He, our groom, who is Jesus, came down from a beautiful throne to this earth to do the Will of the Father, which was to take on the cross, so that we can be forgiven and saved, and saved from what? Saved from the everyday sins that we don’t even realize are sin, but He came down for us. He resurrected and sent the Holy Spirit to help us, teach us, and transform us so that when He comes back, we can be a beautiful bride ready for our day to be with Him in Heaven! That’s beauty. He met us where we were with such grace and mercy. Now because we vowed to God in our marriage with God to love our husband through thick and thin just as Jesus had done for us, then we need to honor that vow and love unconditionally like Jesus our husband, then and only then your heart will soften and manage to be who you were created to be which is a loving child of God, able and overqualified through Christ to be a good wife and mother!

Don’t forget, when you are good in your marriage, you can tend to your children in the best ways they deserve. You are a walking testimony, and they are a witness. This Ministry in your home is your primary ministry, and when you are a good wife, your discipleship within your tribe is credible when you are first and foremost devoted to Christ.

Is it possible to be a good wife and mother simultaneously?

Yes, because as it is written.

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Matthew 19:26

8 Ways To Become A Better Mother

Quiet Time (Alone Time With God)
PRAY
Create Boundaries
Be Attentive During Their Hours
Community
Inclusion
Communication
Remind Your Child That They Are A Part Of A Team, BUT Mama & Daddy Are The Head Leaders And Respect What Is Said And Expected

1. Quiet Time (Alone Time With God)

Soul care – I cannot express this enough, but Mama, try waking up an hour or even thirty minutes before your children to have a moment to process and enjoy the peace of a soundless house. Let this be a time where you can process your own thoughts and hear God. If you are a dreamer, consider writing down your dreams and allowing God to reveal their meaning to you.

If you cannot wake up around that time to read and relax with God to do whatever the Holy Spirit leads you to do in your time with Him, then don’t fret. There are 24 hours in a day for you to make time for the one who gives you it. It is essential that, before or even during this time, you let go and give God everything, including the things you cannot change. NOTHING is more critical and should be justified in taking away the time you have with your Father.

Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.
1 Peter 5:6-7

2. PRAY

Never end your conversation with God.

Today, we often think of prayer as a one-and-done conversation before meals, perhaps even a brief reminder when we wake up and go to sleep. However, God tells us always to have Him on our lips. Never limit and stop the conversation that you have with your Father, and His Spirit will always rest on you, speaking in more ways than you could ever imagine. Let Him be a part of your everyday life and encounters.

But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.
Matthew 6:6

Do not be anxious about anything, but in every situation, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God.
Philippians 4:6

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.
Romans 12:12

pray continually
1 Thessalonians 5:17

3. Creating Boundaries

Separate money, conflict with your spouse or any person involved, and stress from your time with your children; they should not receive the reactions to the stress you are experiencing. You only have a certain amount of time with your kids during the day. Separate what triggers you and what makes you react, and enjoy your children. In other words, let your children want you and your presence. Regardless of age, they know your delivery, and that will be their perception of you and what they will remember and speak of. Take back your time and create those boundaries!

Let me also add that some boundaries are okay to make with even your children as well. It does not make you a horrible mother, but a mother who needs to put her own mask on so that she can adequately take care of your babies in the best version of yourself as you can.

4. Be Attentive During Their Hours

This aligns with creating boundaries. You only have a certain amount of time with your children in their waking hours. Make sure to dedicate it to them by minimizing distractions as much as possible.

As a SAHM, I understand that you may have a community that understands the feeling of having “those days” when you become tired, stressed, and lonely, and need company. I GET THIS! It’s okay to have those moments to have a 30-minute conversation with other adults who are alive and pulling through, but remind yourself that after you have had your quick conversation, refocus on your children. It is so easy to get caught up in our phones, entertainment, and errands that we miss out on the slow and steady moments of connecting with our little ones, trying to keep up in a fast-paced world.

*For you, Mamas who have older kids or children who attend school, I would say please don’t get too caught up in doing everything to the point that you end up missing out on the bonding experience of getting to know your kids.

5. Community

Finding community while raising children can be challenging, but it is both possible and vital.

Because I was pregnant and had my babies during the pandemic, and also lived far from family, it was challenging for me to make a community in a new town where there was a shutdown. The effects of being in a home took a toll on me in many ways, especially mentally, with such hormones everywhere, especially with me having three back-to-back babies. Still, though I was a tad fearful with strict rules on exposure coming out of the pandemic, I only then realized that I needed community the most as a SAHM. I was always known to be an extrovert. Still, during those years of staying in a home for some time, it was easy to become an introvert, not wanting to branch out and be around people; yet, my body knew that it was not created to be alone in a home with no fellowship and community. I needed and desired the company of others who were in the same position as I, raising children. Thankfully, I received my answer in prayer, so I share this with you to say: find community.

You may not have family or friends nearby, or you may have created boundaries with close people, but you would be surprised by the people you meet along your journey who can feel like family, based on the genuine love they express during your time together and friendship. Nonetheless, make an effort to build community in these formative years of raising children. It does not have to be a vast pool of people, but find a good, solid three people and having someone who is almost discipling you and another person who you can disciple (which can include your children since that is a whole ministry in itself) by then you will find yourself with a good amount of people who can share life with you encouraging one another along the way.

As iron sharpens iron,
So one person sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17

6. Inclusion

Now, as you may have read in many of my motherhood blogs, I firmly believe in the importance of inclusion when raising little ones. Honestly, based on my experience living with my extended family (which included a seven-year-old and a baby), inclusion can involve any child at any age. When you include children in your everyday life, it can make you, Mama, learn to slow down, which is a blessing in disguise. However, it also allows your child or children to be involved in everyday life, enabling them to grow and learn about the world from firsthand experience. Such practice of inclusion is preparation for their years to come, which is beneficial for both you and the child. If you think this is a hassle, remind yourself that you are exactly where you need to be: connecting with your child while getting things done.

7. Communication

Communication is more than just words; it also shows up in your actions. When I say that, I mean, what is your delivery like when you talk to your children?

Have you ever heard of “it’s not what you say but how you say it?”

I have always been mindful of words, as I have always been known to be a sensitive person when it comes to how they are communicated. Although I was aware of this, I was shocked when I found myself on the other side of being a communicator to my children in a stressful environment, which caused me to speak in a way that conveyed annoyance, frustration, and even anger. I NEVER said mean or nasty things to my children, but I would huff and puff when one of the kids or all of them would have their fits and hurt one another. I would be annoyed and use sarcasm (which has only happened twice, but it broke my heart since I dislike sarcasm), and eventually come to a point where I would have to use my breathing exercises more than I should have while trying to remain the mature parent they needed. It was not until my husband and I were having an argument, where he said something in a tone that was familiar to the one I had used with my children, that I then wept and apologized to my children for the state I was in, using tones that they did not deserve.

I had a taste of my own medicine and although I read many books and spiritually through those moments will feel bad for the emotions I had, I still at times released my tension (thankfully not the fullness of wanting to yell) but none the less, I have given my children a side of me that I would never allow anyone else to provide them with, ever,

How could that be? As their mother, how could I allow stress and emotions to affect my children?

When I say I prayed that I was not ruining my children in that season of heartache, loneliness, loss, with anxiety and depression, I mean I PRAYED!

Every day after that, I pushed myself to come out of my season and be the Mama that I was and loved being. I chose joy and kindness. I decided to remain calm and continue my breathing exercises. I ensured that we were all on the same page, having learned many lessons in communication and followed through with our actions towards one another. Although there were rough patches in my marriage that made me feel like I was fighting to remain myself, I still chose that with my children, they will have the best parts of me.

Although they are all toddlers, we learned:

How to engage in face-to-face conversation
Not to Interrupt each other (They are still working on that!)
To speak in a tone that we want to listen to (No loud talking to each other/ over each other)
To listen to one another
To respect each other’s emotions and not invalidate how one is feeling
To talk things through and find a solution
How to seek each other when we are upset and ways to get through it together
To apologize when we are wrong and forgive each other just as Jesus forgives us

There are many more communication skills; these are the basic skills that we established at the beginning, which we work on throughout the various stages of life that we experience in our home.

8. Remind Your Child That They Are A Part Of A Team, BUT Mama & Daddy Are The Head Leaders And Respect What Is Said And Expected.

It is easy to be all about your children, especially when your spouse is always away from the home working, but because it is visually apparent that it is mainly you and your children in the house, always remind them that they were made to be a part of a family team with Mama and Dadda as leaders in the home.

I have seen where parents would bad-talk one another in front of the children (which I am guilty of doing when they were babies and my marriage was just rocky with high emotions). I have seen where one parent speaks negatively to their child about the other parent, and today I am telling you that if you are that parent or know someone who does, be encouraged to speak well of one another.

Your children are not adults nor your best friends (who you shouldn’t talk to either about people), let alone your husband. They are your children who look up to you and learn from you and your spouse. You should always make it known to them that any rule made in the home by you or your spouse should always be respected and obeyed. They should hear you speak highly of your partner and back him up. Let your child or children know that you and your spouse are a team and support one another. Laying down this image, followed by actions, makes it clear to the child that they cannot go back and forth from one parent to another to get what they want, which ultimately can cause friction between you and your spouse.

Having that clear boundary established will help you mentally feel like you are not alone, but it will also serve you and the home in various ways throughout your ongoing journey together.

Now, Mama, I know this was probably the longest blog I’ve ever posted, but let it be known that I am sharing this with you, who followed through to the end. I am writing this to encourage you that it is possible to be a good wife and mother simultaneously. I know that it can feel like a struggle where no one can understand the strength you have already endured, as well as the ongoing strength and prayers you are using daily and crying out for. But I want to say this.

Everything that you do is seen. Who you are becoming through this growing period of motherhood and wifely duties is the woman that God sees you as. This period of your life done in love does not go unnoticed. Keep working unto the Lord and love what you do. There is beauty in the ashes. There has been significant growth and transformation over the past few years.

Is it Possible?

Yes, for all things are possible with God!

Shalom

Jesus looked at them and said, “With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible.”
Matthew 19:26

Scripture’s

Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters

Colossians 3:23

Do everything in love

1 Corinthians 16:14

Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer, believe that you have received it, and it will be yours.

Mark 11:24

No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

1 Corinthians 10:13

So do not fear, for I am with you;
do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you;
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

Isaiah 41:10