7 Ways to Be Intimate with Your Spouse
Have you ever felt like your beginning story with your spouse was not only extraordinary but exhilarating to the extent that it made you feel so alive? You were not only in the butterfly stage, but when you started seeing the real them, you still imagined them being your life partner. Every moment then seemed so spontaneous, but you suddenly realized as time went on that the intimacy between the two of you had become a boring routine or laziness between each other that even the spark in the relationship started to dim. Now, I know sex is a common ground with both you and your spouse that is a no-deal to pass up at any chance, but I want to share some tips for those seeking more than pleasure from their spouse outside of the bedroom. These activities I researched gave my husband and me opportunities to revisit old passions; and create new desires of interest with each other for our future, which brought us closer than ever.
So let me share the seven activities now!!!
1. Vision Board
It is easy to say that the future is happening now that you and your spouse have tied the knot, but please remember that as people grow, they do change. Hopefully, in your case for the better.
Create a date with some fun activity supplies and sit down with each other. The goal is, to be honest and fearless when sharing your dreams, goals, and ideas. Do not limit yourself to the possibilities. Allow this time to be a positive outlet, supporting one another. Meaning, do not mock each other. On the poster board, you have three sides. His, Hers, and Family. On your section of the board, you can list or make a collage of your goals and dreams. Yes, we have separate ideas, dreams, and goals from our spouses, but in the middle of the board, under family, you can collide ideas of what you both want together.
What do you both want in your marriage for each other and your family? Then, write on paper or the board how you both will manage to manifest these things.
Side note: Please remember that y’all are a team, so on yalls separate sides, you both should still be helping each other and cheering each other on so you both can reap the reward of doing it together.
2. Questionnaire Q&A
Even though you are finally married, it is never too late to ask questions. Now, I know not everyone gets the chance to ask serious questions like; “How do we raise our children? What is your credit score? Or, What do you want from this marriage?”, but this is your chance to ask those tough questions. Try to plan a time where NO one can get distracted and be open to answering some questions. Again, be honest. Sometimes because we rush into the idea of marriage (possibly just fulfilling emotions and caught up in the blissful butterfly stage), we forget to ask questions about each other that we need answers to. Like priorities! I am pretty sure that when you hear your spouse’s response, you will be surprised by their views and start to understand things that you would have rathered questioned or just reasons why particular views/ arguments could never just be over. To make this more memorable, try recording yalls date so that if you feel like you missed something, you can play it back.
*I will include a Q&A link below so that you can have a general idea of questions to ask.
Q&A: Should I Marry…?
3. Cooking/Baking Together
Now what could be better than eating?
Find a new recipe, and as a team, start learning to cook and bake your meals together. Get messy if you want! Once you are finished, you can enjoy dinner at the table, or could also enjoy some treats while watching a movie or playing games. Speaking of games…
4. Game Night
Now the game night is up to you. You can show your serious side in Checkers or be silly and get wild. Either way, you and your spouse will not be focused on anything else but the chance to win and have fun.
Side Note: If you are on a budget, find a few items around your house. If not, then make a trip to the Dollar Tree. There are plenty of activities that you can do such as…
- Painting
- Coloring book
- Outside Activities (water balloons/ water guns, racket ball)
- Pampering spa products
- Would you rather cards?
5. Family Workout
Working out is a challenge. Exercising may not be for everybody, but for those out there like me, who can walk and then jog a few seconds to go back to walking, then yes, it is a challenge. Instead of trying to be healthy alone, you can have your partner with you. This is something that both of you could rather cheer on each other side by side, or quietly work out next to each other without the need to talk (I know how focused some people can be in the gym, let alone outside their comfort zone!).
Doing it together is the goal. Go outside on a walk, and If you have children like me, then you can make this a family workout by including bikes, laps at the pool, and other outdoor activities. I guess depending on your interest and endurance.
Please remember to work out at your pace no matter what and to listen to your body. Stay hydrated!
6. Eyes Lock
I’m going to keep this short. Set the tone by lighting candles and playing soft music. Try sitting in bed with your spouse with your bodies facing each other. If you want to add a heavy sense, you could wrap your legs around each other (dressed or naked). As you are sitting, try to stare at each other. Look at each other. No talking, do not sexualize it, and stare at each other like you are blessed to know how and why God created them. Enjoy them being present at that moment. If it gets intense with emotions, give each other a big hug.
7. Worshiping & Praying Together
What better way to be selfless than to focus your date not on each other but on the 3rd person in your 3-cord strand of marriage?
Set the tone and begin to worship. This is what y’all both come together to figure out.
How do yall want to worship God?
Let the Holy Spirit lead you through the night. Don’t think about yourself but worship Him. A special thing that my husband and I love to do with each other is getting a foot bath ready (filled with Epsom salt) and washing each other’s feet as Jesus washed his disciple’s feet. Apply lotion or oil after as you pray for each other. When I say pray, I mean pray as if you were praying for yourself (That is true since you and your spouse become one in marriage).
“Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and of one mind. Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, not looking to your own interest but each of you to the interest of the others. In your relationship with one another, have the same mindset as Christ Jesus.”
Philippians 2:2-5
NIV Bible
Being vulnerable to worship your heart to God and pray is very intimate. It is not about yalls earthly feelings for each other but yall praising our Heavenly Father and taking care of one another spiritual needs. This act allows each other to be outside of the wife and husband role and be children before the Father. Generously giving an open door to healing and transformation through the Holy Spirit will allow your marriage to grow more as you both grow individually.
In conclusion, there are plenty more ways of growing intimate with your spouse outside the sheets, but you must be willing to look outside of the box. You must be willing to open your mind to adventure, creativity, and vulnerability, and be committed. You must also remember that y’all are a team. In this team, you cannot be selfish. You must get out of your comfort zone, push each other, and remember to love each other the way God loves you. Unconditionally. When you all pray, communicate, and push each other out of selfishness, then you all can accomplish anything!
Remember you cannot grow in your comfort zone.
Testimony:
I knew these changes helped my marriage when a sister in Christ texted me about how she got off a plane and had a vision about my husband and me being so in love. I told her it was accurate because a few days before I received the text, I surprised my husband by randomly renewing our vows. I felt led by the Holy Spirit to do it and not only hold myself accountable for what I promised God but to have my brother’s keeper/ husband hold me accountable.
Instructions for Christian Households
“Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.
Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. In this same way, husband’s ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. After all, no one ever hated their own body, but they feed and care for their body, just as Christ does the church- for we are all members of his body. “For this reason, a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.”
Ephesians 5:21-33
NIV Bible
