Late Night Message: For SAHM Who Needs A Break
I always tell God that I am grateful for my babies and for becoming a mother, but it’s really a big change that we don’t realize as women. Back-to-back-to-back (for me at least) …. Our bodies have not been our own for a while; we can’t keep up with the changes and barely recognize ourselves. We want time, but we feel bad about it, or we cry when we finally get it. For me, it is the fear of missing out on the kids at any moment in their lives. (FOMO). Our identity undergoes a significant transformation when we take on the role of motherhood. But remind yourself that you, too, are a child of God who is growing and learning through this one life we get with our children.
Mama, because I know you stay home with your babies all day, do not forget to communicate openly with your husband about where you are in your current season. I found marriage and raising children difficult and overwhelming when I kept everything to myself, not involving my husband to help, despite his many offers to help. (For me, it was because he had to hold the family together already, and I did not want to burden him with all of me and the things he could not control.)
Your husband is not a therapist, but you can explain to them that you’re grateful for everything God has blessed you with. You can also include how your life has undergone a significant change and that you need some time for yourself, too. (This is not to say that his life, too, did not take that change, but it’s a different experience for both of you.) Sometimes, our husbands are aware, but they are not when they are focused on providing for and ensuring everyone is taken care of. He gets a “break” from the kids, even if it doesn’t seem like it due to work, but he does. This is the time, Mama, to be honest with your husband and yourself, acknowledging that you, too, need scheduled breaks that are required. These breaks benefit you and others when you show up as the best version of yourself that you can be with a free and less stressed-out attitude.
I know that because your husband works, you may feel bad about requesting time for yourself, especially given the opportunity to stay home. But honestly, sometimes, we mamas need to leave the house by ourselves to be with God and our thoughts, and sometimes, we need to relearn how to be alone and do things without the kids. You may not want to leave home, which is also okay. You can ask your husband to take the kids out for the day or to visit family for a few hours, allowing you to enjoy a peaceful home and do whatever you want during that time. I used to clean and care for things that needed to be done, and my husband couldn’t stand that I would take my breaks to still attend to the family and chores, as well as my monthly to-do list. I just found it convenient until recently when I realized and accepted that my house is not in the season of looking spotless 24/7. I had to admit that the toddlers would make me uncomfortable for a while (due to me being known for being an excessive cleaner, so much so that people assumed I had OCD. I don’t, but that is how clean and organized I want my house). Anyway, I realized it’s okay to have your house look like a toddler, let alone many children living in it. It is their house, too, not that it gives you an excuse to let go completely. I learned to accept my husband’s help and do what I enjoy doing for myself. This refers to hobbies.
Changes & Solutions Being Made:
What helped my husband and I was that we used his off days to take turns on our breaks. So, if he had two days off, then on his first day, I would let him sleep in and carry out the morning routine with the kids as usual, and on his second day, we would switch. We would often have a family outing in the afternoons, but that morning session made a difference in my week, and I know it can for you as well. It doesn’t happen every week due to deployment, and sometimes he has to take care of big chores at home, run errands, or attend to important work matters. There are times, even on his days, he would ask me to feed them lunch, and then he would take over for nap time and let me have time to leave the house for those three hours, which has been a strange yet wonderful adventure even if it’s just me driving to thrift shops and walking the main street which are just a few roads away from me. Either way, these are ways that we as parents manage alone time when we both need it. It’s vital for our marriage and roles as parents to be our best selves. I will also add that you, Mama, should try waking up an hour before the kids to have time with God, so that you can fill your cup and overflow the rest onto your kids when they wake up. (I love to read, so this was a highlight and game-changer.) I tried to wake up at five in the morning, like I used to, but I realized that my body is not the same as it was in my college years, let alone the same after having baby #2. I did not have to be excessive with my mornings. My sleep mattered, so I gave myself an extra hour and woke up having that hour to myself. I promise that even if it takes 30 minutes for you before the kids wake up, you will have a better morning, refreshed on the Lord’s Word and Spirit, if you manage to create that routine.
I GET IT!!!
It’s a lot sometimes, but this, too, shall pass. Ask God for help in all the areas you need, THROUGHOUT the day (even if it’s every second).
Don’t overstimulate yourself to burnout. Take your time and pick and choose your battles (yes, even through the chores, too).
I know you want to be the best for your kids, but you must also take care of yourself. Set up boundaries and know that you make the schedule and outline of the day (your kids just follow your flow), so don’t worry. Take your naps if you have to. Create a schedule and schedule your “me time” when the kids are napping or put down for bed.
You GOT this, because GOD GOT YOU!
These are God’s children, so when you feel like you’re not enough or lacking something, you better believe God takes care of His own. He takes care of their NEEDS and you, as you are His daughter.
God bless you.
