The Light In Grieving The Loss Of A Loved One
The greatest thing about grieving over a loss is that you had someone in your life worth grieving over. One thing I learned about losing my daddy through these now 8 HARD years is that everything I loved about him was characteristics that God had given him. Those same characteristics that I can still have every day through God even though the physical child that he created for me to call daddy is gone. I noticed it over the years until last week when I felt broken and defeated. For the first time, I didn’t cry out to God about how I wanted to hug my daddy, but I cried out to God to come down himself and hug me so I could cry in His arms like the little daughter He sees me as. I couldn’t believe that it happened, but it did, and it felt good to know that my daddy did his job here enough for me to want to call on my Heavenly Father. He is a man (I say this because even though he is in Heaven, he is alive in Christ there), so he is a man who literally still teaches me today. Things that he never got to personally tell my husband (who is crazily just like him with such a blessed heart: I met Josh 6 months after my daddy, so timing is everything to me), or my kids, I actually can tell them because of the IMPACT he has on my life. He was present and made sure to say, “A family who prays together stays together,” and made sure we did that no matter if it was just my sisters together on the phone while my mother was with him in the hospital or us all together. He told me there was no excuse for anything and HATED laziness. He helped raise so many children in the family/ community and loved on everyone. If he saw a young man standing in the streets sagging their pants, he would take them to the store to pick out a belt, tell them about what a man is/ does, and give them rides to church. He raised a community even on the little he had at times because he could never give up on anyone no matter if it were his last dollar. He TRUST God every day of his life here on earth. He supported EVERYTHING I was a part of and would drive distance wearing whatever gear that represented what & where I was at. He is truly outside of God, the first man that I ever loved and who loved me unconditionally. He may have missed out on all the highlights in my life, but he established what I needed called life. He planted the seed “Gods word” in me and prayed over me. He would say,
“Start children off on the way they should go,and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”Proverbs 22:6.
God is so amazing because the last time I saw him was a Thanksgiving break before going back to college, and I remember that semester I endured something that made me want to really harm myself that my parents didn’t know I went through, and my daddy could sense something off me. Well, although we all caught a stomach virus during that break, he told me to come into his room the last night before it was time to go back. (He couldn’t walk at the time). I was irritated because I was packing and doing stuff, but after his 2nd time, I just stopped what I was doing to go to him. He told me to lay with him, and I did. I put my ear on his chest to hear his heart, as I always did since I was a baby. (I felt safe because he was always my bear. ) He wrapped his arms around me and just started praying over me. He then told me not to give up and sang an old gospel choir song, “Everything is Going to be alright.” I told him I won’t give up if he does not give up…. That next day, for the first time in a while, he got up, walked me to the car, and rode back to drop me off to school.
The last words I heard him say as he called me in the hospital was, “Keep talking… keep talking to me. Keep talking.” He knew that I would pray, do sermons, or sing, but he made sure in his time of need that he needed me to talk to him about God….
He used to complain about how I would talk too much growing up and made it to where I had to have quiet time because he thought I loved just hearing my voice and would not rest, but he needed my voice.
His last words inspired my mission to tell people I love about the gospel. If you are friends with me on here, I write and involve God in EVERYTHING because He is all I have. Yes, I have family and other things, but He is the constant love in my life and will never leave me. So if I share, it’s because I love you too much to let you live your life, not having a chance to have what I have. My daddy may have left this earth, but everything that I loved about him came from God through him. That’s what made my daddy perfect. The God in him.
Comforter, unconditional love, selfless, kind, provider, protector, joy, patient, etc… ALL GOD.
Don’t miss out on a good thing!
My teddy Bear, you will always be irreplaceable and my #1 supporter. I love you.
Thank you, God, for every feeling I feel now and then. Thank you, God, for choosing him to be my daddy and loving him so much that he had enough to love on me, too.
You held me first, and I will never say I was not physically held by greatness!
