The Identity Crisis Women Face After Becoming a Mother.

I write this letter to all the mothers who are in hiding. The mothers who look at their beautiful babies or even children have that inner guilt of wishing that they could get a second to themselves. The one who is in recovery from delivery and watching your support group cater to your new addition yet forgot that the one who brought the baby here is lying in bed still in shock—rather her body physically, her mind mentally, or even her emotional and spiritual health.

We prepare for a baby to come for months on in. Many mothers and support groups inform us about our babies and what to expect, yet we receive little help on what comes after delivery for the mother. As new mothers, we know that the baby will always be cared for by just about anyone who can get their hands on them; let’s face it: it’s even known that when a baby comes, it is not even about you, mama. Sadly, this is a reality that every mother has faced, but why? We need the most attention after delivering a baby and living day-to-day life during postpartum.

No one tells you the timeline for fully recovering because everyone is different. No one tells you how your relationship with your spouse will drastically change because your relationship does change! No one tells you that you will have to choose between a career or raising children (and let’s face it, if you graduated from college, then you may feel like you wasted money and have to pay a useless debt). No one says friendships face a test while your new life as a mama does not benefit your friends’ lives because not everyone is a mom yet and doesn’t understand your schedule and decisions. No one tells you that your dreams of anything are impossible or what now seems impossible with no support.  No one tells you that you will question many things, including your choices and major life decisions. No one tells you that you won’t recognize yourself when you look in the mirror. And no one tells you that all of the hormones, emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual changes will happen all at once, making you have thoughts that are not familiar to you. Maybe mental breakdowns, burnouts, anxiety, and depression have come near you and possibly touched you.

BUT REMEMBER WHO YOU ARE.

When life changes this fast on you, this is the time when you have to slow down from what you are doing and breathe. Take a deep breath and ask for God to help you. If that is every 30 minutes to an hour to ask or every minute of the day until you are okay, do it. Ask God to come close and enter your home and your body. After you finish your alone time, sister, you MUST remember who you are and belong to. Although you may see it as though you are not being taken care of like your bundle of joy, know that you are far beyond being taken care of by your Father in the most incredible way that no one here could do for you. He will reach your every need when you bow down on your knees at His feet like the child He sees you as. He will remind you that you are His child, to whom He has already given a name and identity. Remember that your weakness makes Him shine through even brighter than the darkness trying to overtake you.

I hope that Father will remind you of your identity. Have hope that this too shall pass. Continue to hope for the things that He has revealed to you over time, and know that He will bring to pass the things that He has willed out to you. Sister, let me tell you. In a world where you may seem to be overlooked because you are taking care of everyone and trying to manage yourself, know that what you are doing is not ignored by our Father. He sees your work and how you are an obedient and faithful steward to His children he has entrusted you to raise.  Remember again to breathe right this second… Inhale, 1 2 3 4 5, Exhale. Back to what I was saying. Please be kind to yourself and enjoy your life.

Embrace the new changes and enhance you to the new you today. The old you have become outgrown and can be hard to receive, but don’t take it negatively. Retake back the negative changes and enhance them with the positive ones. You’re a new mother with a different style; paint it with a twist with a bit of your old self, too. Make challenges you know you can accomplish and reward yourself for completing them. Whatever it may seem, try to put some pieces of you in the you who is growing and changing every day. You 5.0! You can decide how you want to live out these days as a mother. You get to choose how you see yourself and will finalize the approval with the Creator who created you! His approval matters most. You are more than a mother, wife, friend, and employee. You are a child of God with a mission you only need to fulfill!

So, if you have your days, have them! If you need time in the bathroom to recoup with chocolate, tears, and random gestures questioning everything, then have your moment. One thing I will tell you, though, is to NEVER allow yourself to stay in that place. You are far beyond needed. The fullness of you He created is needed. Take your time, breathe, and enjoy life! Enjoy the uniqueness that has been created in a secret place by a beautiful and talented Creator.

You are loved so dearly; if no one tells you, then I love you. If that is not enough, sister, God loves you!

Scriptures on Identity

^“ For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

Psalm 139:13-16

 

^“ and in Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority.”

Colossians 2:10

 

Psalm 23

A psalm of David.

“The Lord is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
He makes me lie down in green pastures, he leads me beside quiet waters, he refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for his name’s sake.”

 

“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you so that you might go and bear fruit—fruit that will last—and so that whatever you ask in my name the Father will give you.”

John 15:16

 

“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God—”

John 1:12

 

“and you are of Christ, and Christ is of God.”

1 Corinthians 3:23

 

“For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord.”

Romans 8:38-39

 

 ^“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves.
He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”

Zephaniah 3:17

 

Psalm 139

For the director of music. Of David. A psalm.

 ^“You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.
My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.”

Psalm 139:13-16

 

“Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.”

Isaiah 43:4

 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”

Jeremiah 29:11

 

“This is the confidence we have in approaching God: that if we ask anything according to his will, he hears us.”

1 John 5:14

 

“I can do all this through him who gives me strength.”

Philippians 4:13

 

“Now if we are children, then we are heirs—heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.”

Romans 8:17

 

Praise for Spiritual Blessings in Christ

 ^“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, who has blessed us in the heavenly realms with every spiritual blessing in Christ.”

Ephesians 1:3

 

Concerning Spiritual Gifts

“ Now about the gifts of the Spirit, brothers and sisters, I do not want you to be uninformed. You know that when you were pagans, somehow or other you were influenced and led astray to mute idols. Therefore I want you to know that no one who is speaking by the Spirit of God says, “Jesus be cursed,” and no one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit.

There are different kinds of gifts, but the same Spirit distributes them. There are different kinds of service, but the same Lord. There are different kinds of working, but in all of them and in everyone it is the same God at work.

Now to each one the manifestation of the Spirit is given for the common good. To one there is given through the Spirit a message of wisdom, to another a message of knowledge by means of the same Spirit, to another faith by the same Spirit, to another gifts of healing by that one Spirit, to another miraculous powers, to another prophecy, to another distinguishing between spirits, to another speaking in different kinds of tongues, and to still another the interpretation of tongues. All these are the work of one and the same Spirit, and he distributes them to each one, just as he determines.

Unity and Diversity in the Body

Just as a body, though one, has many parts, but all its many parts form one body, so it is with Christ. For we were all baptized by one Spirit so as to form one body—whether Jews or Gentiles, slave or free—and we were all given the one Spirit to drink. Even so the body is not made up of one part but of many.

Now if the foot should say, “Because I am not a hand, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body. And if the ear should say, “Because I am not an eye, I do not belong to the body,” it would not for that reason stop being part of the body.If the whole body were an eye, where would the sense of hearing be? If the whole body were an ear, where would the sense of smell be? But in fact God has placed the parts in the body, every one of them, just as he wanted them to be. If they were all one part, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, but one body.

The eye cannot say to the hand, “I don’t need you!” And the head cannot say to the feet, “I don’t need you!” On the contrary, those parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable, and the parts that we think are less honorable we treat with special honor. And the parts that are unpresentable are treated with special modesty, while our presentable parts need no special treatment. But God has put the body together, giving greater honor to the parts that lacked it, so that there should be no division in the body, but that its parts should have equal concern for each other. If one part suffers, every part suffers with it; if one part is honored, every part rejoices with it.

Now you are the body of Christ, and each one of you is a part of it. And God has placed in the church first of all apostles, second prophets, third teachers, then miracles, then gifts of healing, of helping, of guidance, and of different kinds of tongues. Are all apostles? Are all prophets? Are all teachers? Do all work miracles? Do all have gifts of healing? Do all speak in tongues? Do all interpret? Now eagerly desire the greater gifts.”

1 Corinthians 12